Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
