She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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