i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
