Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
