I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
