im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
