Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
