His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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