I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
