3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
