I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
