He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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