I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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