love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
