A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
