remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
