No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
