So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
