So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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