Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You had me at "let me see your balls"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
