just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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