How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
