hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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