u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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