I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
