I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize