I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
