end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
