I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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