I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize