she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
