she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
