she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
