This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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