I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
