The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize