So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
