Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
