D3 body, D1 cock
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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