she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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