i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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