it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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