when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
