she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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