Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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