hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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