Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You made out with two different species that night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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