Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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