please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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