well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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