All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
