She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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