so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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