it wasn't lemon gatorade
where am i from again
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize