I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can text with my tongue
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
