Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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