Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
