dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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