sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
