I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
