Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
