They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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