Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
