How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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