my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Randomize
