She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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