just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
