What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
well you can't waste a boner
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
