Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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