Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
