Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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