Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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