just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
