What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize