Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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