I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
