I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize