the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
