Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
