as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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