I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
