Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
