You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
