The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
